wellness

“Mom brain” and “dad brain” describe a real difference in how parents process family life: mothers tend to think circularly—holding every need at once—while fathers tend to think linearly, one task at a time. It isn’t a character flaw or lack of love. Understanding the biology behind it helps couples stop blaming and start dividing the mental load by strength. It’s Not You. It’s Not Him. It’s Biology. *Disclaimer: I celebrate all gender identities and what I am about to say is intended to inspire and make you laugh with your partner. It’s okay if what I share is not true for you and your marriage…these are just my thoughts and reflections. One of the greatest gifts of working with moms in-person is the conversations we have! Over the years, one topic has been a constant and common thread in EVERY conversation: how we, the moms, think about, plan and anticipate daily life is 180-degrees different from our partners. And the most striking part is that every mom's story about how her partner thinks is almost identical—yes, even for Ken and I. Early on in my mothering journey, I attended a lecture at my daughters' school. With my little one asleep on my chest, I sat and listened to a talk that ultimately changed my life. Entitled, “The Overwhelm of Boys,” delivered by Kim John Payne. I went expecting to learn more about raising my children, and instead, I walked away with a shifted understanding of my husband. As I made my way home, I called him at the restaurant where he was pushing out a Friday-night dinner service (we often joke about the number of times I’ve done this over the years!). I simply said, ‘I’m so sorry I have talked over you all of these years—I understand now that you need more time and space to think.” There was total silence on the other end of the phone while the clatter of the restaurant echoed in the background and then a quiet, “thank you.” I got to thinking…what if we put these truths out in the open? We could understand one another better, communicate more effectively, and co-parenting can actually become fun! So, here are the not-so-secret secrets we all need to acknowledge and grow with: Men and women are fundamentally different creatures with every respect for self-identity and gender identity. Acknowledging our differences helps us learn, grow, and lean into each other’s strengths. Men think linearly. Women think circularly. And moms multitask like bad asses. We anticipate needs, we see the laundry, read the emails, catch the falling cup, and bounce the baby with one hand. In my experience, our brains almost function better in this arena—we just become more efficient when we have babies. By contrast, male brains begin to smoke if you ask them to operate like this. Men focus on singular tasks, but they DO the task all the way through until it has a bow on top. And, here’s the kicker…they won’t see or think about anything else while they are focused on said task. Meaning, the toys scattered across the living room, the dishes in the sink, the dinner that needs to be prepped…they are not pre-wired to see more than what they are doing. They can learn, but that is a relationship and co-habitational skill that you develop together. One of the biggest pitfalls of marriage post-babies is that we are both overwhelmed and wanting the other person to think about all the needs of the home and family the way we do. When the other person doesn’t show up the way we expect, we slip into blame, which leads nowhere but down. Divide and conquer based on your strengths, not what is “fair.” Most dads (like Ken) feel great accomplishment and a sense of deep self-value through the completion of a project. Most moms (including myself) are planning and creating the environment of our home and how each system will best meet our daily family needs. Our winning solution? I plan the systems and Ken executes them. For example, new shelves for the girls’ closet that will better fit their bigger clothes and storage needs—I envision it, describe it, shop for it, he makes it happen. No fighting. I plan it. He builds it. It works. Moms talk it out. Dads need quiet…in order to process their feelings. I call it “downloading” to Ken. It took him YEARS to be able to sit with me while I unleashed the workings of my brain and not get overwhelmed or try to fix everything. Conversely, it took me YEARS to learn that when I talk at this pace and breadth, he needs hours to silently process everything. He will ultimately come back with a really supportive and insightful response, but only if I give him the quiet time he needs to get there. The faster we talk at the dads, the quicker their brains shut down their verbal center. They literally can't form a sentence. And, when they are quiet, what do we do? We talk more and faster at them because we process this way. They really need quiet space to get their thoughts together and form a response. Learn reflective listening: It saved our marriage, truly. Fried mom and dad brains do not process accurately, which makes for sticky relationship communication. Reflective listening is when your partner is speaking about something, you simply repeat back what you have just heard. Literally, “ I am hearing you say ______.” And then, you check, “Is this accurate?” This technique slows everything down and makes sure you are hearing each other correctly. It cuts down so much frustration. Prioritize each other’s need for friend time: Men need to be with men just as much as women need to be other women. But, when men become fathers, there is less social support for them in this area, especially if you don’t live close to where you both grew up or have family close by. I put all of my weight and support behind Ken spending untethered alone time with his friends doing dude-like things that I honestly would never want to do—flying in his friend’s tiny plane, sleeping in a hammock on the beach without a shower for two days or even scrubbing the deck of a boat. In return, he puts his full weight and support behind my moms’ night out for guacamole and margaritas, where we get to talk as fast and on as many different subjects as our spinning mom-brains can cover…and no one gets overwhelmed. It’s like 6 months worth of mom-talk therapy rolled into one night! At the end of the day, embrace and love the differences. They are your mutual and complementary strengths—you can both thrive in parenthood, marriage, and play with each other’s patterns instead of struggling over them. When the wheels start to come off, lead with curiosity and give each other the benefit of the doubt …and always remember, you’re both doing your best! x Keep reading: The Science Behind Building Healthy Habits as a New Mother The Mama Mental Load: Managing Motherhood's Invisible Weight RM Thrive — the Revolution Motherhood method Start your free trial with Revolution Motherhood →

Before new moms return to jumping jacks, trampolines, or running, the pelvic floor needs to be ready. Leaks or pressure during impact aren’t something to push through—they’re a signal. Your pelvic floor is a system, and high-impact movement is safe once it’s strong and coordinated. Cross-training rebuilds that foundation so you can jump confidently. Ongoing leaking warrants a pelvic-health assessment. Your pelvic floor, the trampoline gauntlet, and cross-training for a lifetime of adventure. One of the many profound awakenings that occur the moment you become a mother and meet your newborn is how much you suddenly understand your own mother’s life and behaviors—like why they never jumped on a trampoline! These moments are what I refer to as, “aha—now I get why my mom was the way she was” epiphones. And, in the vein of self-awareness and evolving together, I’m here to ask you today… When was the last time you jumped on a trampoline? It’s a very common tale. Our moms, grandmas, and best friends alike stopped jumping the second they delivered their first baby and we all just accepted that it was something our bodies just couldn’t do anymore, because, well…we’re moms. I’m here to dispel those assumptions and challenge the status quo while getting you back on the trampoline, running those stairs, doing the jumping jacks and loving the body you live in. For many women, difficulty with jumping postpartum isn’t just about weakness—it can also be due to pelvic floor dyssynergia, a condition where the pelvic floor muscles fail to coordinate properly. This imbalance can make activities like jumping, running, or even sneezing unexpectedly difficult. Here’s what you need to know about your pelvic floor and how it works as a part of your functional core. Plus, how to keep it strong, pliable, and rebounding for a lifetime of adventure. Your pelvic floor muscles are a system. They want to be trained, healed, and strengthened with the whole body, not alone in isolation. The first point of entry on your pelvic floor is actually your transversus abdominals (or TVA). They anatomically connect to your pelvic floor and are essential for lifting your upper body weight out of your pelvis. If your upper core is compromised (for example, you just gave birth), then your pelvic floor muscles are not only stretched and injured themselves, but they are bearing all the weight of your abdomen and upper body against the constant pull of gravity. This makes any increased pressure, like from jumping or sneezing, almost unbearable. Pelvic floor core exercises are key in stabilizing these muscles, allowing them to function properly and reducing issues like leakage or discomfort when jumping. So, the first step in long term pelvic floor health is recalibrating your abdominal pressure by training your TVA and pelvic floor to co-contract and release together. See this video for a deeper tutorial. Tight pelvic floor muscles are a thing. If your muscles are tight or not moving, then they can’t perform the job they were intended for and a cycle of weakness and disengagement ensues. This tightness, known as pelvic floor hypertonia, is a common issue that can make high-impact movements like jumping or running feel nearly impossible. Tension in these muscles occurs most frequently as a result of scar tissue adhesion and restriction resulting from tearing, c-section or internal scarring that can go unnoticed at your regular check-ups. They can also become overly tight against the downward pressure of a weakened TVA/core system that is constantly bouncing, cradling, and lifting an increasingly heavy baby. This tightness puts a lot of pressure on your urinary tract and supporting muscles, often leading to incontinence, like when you jump or cough. Releasing your pelvic floor with diaphragmatic breathing and “RM Pelvic Corridor” functional strength-training is the first step in building reliable functioning muscles. Kegels—let’s break it down. Our pelvic floor does not want to be strengthened like a bicep. Please STOP putting things in your vagina and squeezing them to “get stronger!” Your vaginal wall post-baby definitely needs to be re-toned, but it will take several months to a year, and is most effective when you are integrating your entire core system with breath, contractions, and release work. Remember, your pelvic floor does not want to just be tight. It’s like a soft, well-knit fabric that wants to stretch and rebound back into place.The RM Pelvic Corridor is how I cue a kegel—we start with breath, relaxation, and then isolating your transversus abs (because when they engage, they lift and support your pelvic floor as whole). Then, we add on by engaging the vaginal wall (I like to use the imagery of trying to lift a tampon that’s about to fall out) and then follow that contraction up the birth canal to your belly button. This is mental as much as physical. It takes as much effort to relax and isolate as it does to strength-train this muscle system. The payoff is a well-calibrated and reliable co-contraction of your foundational core that you can intentionally activate as you move forward in your overall cross-training—jump squats, anyone? Progress is achieved through consistency. Keep showing up and trust the process, especially on days when you’re tired because that’s when your muscles become the most passive. I often tell moms, if you get 2 contractions out of a set of 10 reps, then you’re doing it right. The next day, you’ll get 5, the next maybe only 1, but progressively, you are getting stronger and changing the way your body moves as a system. Do the work in your videos, and then challenge yourself to bring your pelvic corridor into action in your hardest mom’ing moments as well, like bending over the bathtub and picking up your child, climbing the stairs or running on the playground. This is how your core becomes a reliable part of your body and life. You have to cross-train your body. Motherhood is so repetitively one-sided. You get wonky and won’t even realize how much you can’t do until you try to do a jumping jack and everything feels like it’s going to fall out. In RM, I have you doing jump squats by week 6—just little ones that keep nudging your forward and testing your strength. By Phase 2, we’re doing mountain climbers, wide leg squats, and yes…jumping jacks! It’s humbling work and SO satisfying to feel your body say “yes” and to realize you have the power to make positive change on way more than your body, but your mind, heart, and soul too. Everything works as one when it comes to happiness and health for your life and your family. So, go on…take your kids to the trampoline park and take your pelvic corridor for a test drive! If you pee yourself, get over here and start with Day 1 of Phase 1 and then go back in 8 weeks and try again. Your mind will be blown, I promise! Keep reading: Pelvic Organ Prolapse: Your Complete Guide Intimacy and Your Pelvic Floor: Reclaiming Comfort After Birth How to Cross-Train Like a Badass: A Woman's Guide to Lifelong Strength RM Strengthen — the Revolution Motherhood method Start your free trial with Revolution Motherhood →

Prenatal fitness done well prepares your body for birth and recovery, not just pregnancy. Exercising while pregnant reduces stress, eases the discomfort of a growing belly, and—most importantly—builds the functional core strength that makes delivery and healing easier. The key is establishing a daily habit with movement you trust, guided by instructors who understand the pregnant body. RM’s Secret To Success For All Expecting Moms Exercising while pregnant is excellent for you and your baby’s health. It helps reduce stress, helps your body adjust to daily changes, and supports the increased weight of your belly with less pain and discomfort. Entering birth with strong, functional muscles makes your body better prepared for the delivery room and more resilient when it comes to healing post birth. These are all pretty well known facts about staying healthy during pregnancy. However, as much as we hear these messages, they are often presented in pretty stark contrast against a whole litany of “don’ts” and “be careful.” This makes for a lot of confusion for women in an already nebulous time of pregnancy and while preparing to grow your family. What I find (and found in my personal journey into motherhood) is that the more you connect with your body, diffuse stress, and clear your head, the better equipped you are to make informed decisions about each stage of motherhood and your health. How Diastasis Recti Exercises Help A strong, functional core is essential not only during pregnancy but also for recovery after birth. Many moms worry about diastasis recti, or abdominal separation, which occurs when the connective tissue at the midline stretches due to pregnancy. Diastasis recti exercises postpartum play a key role in helping close this gap by retraining the deep core muscles to activate properly. Starting with gentle core engagement during pregnancy makes it easier to rebuild core strength and prevent excessive separation postpartum. RACHEL’S PRENATAL FITNESS TIPS + TRUTHS Establish a daily habit that strengthens and calms your muscles and mind before you have a newborn in your arms. This will give you an extra boost of courage to keep showing up after the baby is born, especially on the days that are the hardest to find the time. This will serve your long-term health and happiness while providing a reliable place to cut through self-doubt and confusion through motherhood and beyond. Listen to your doctor about safety guidelines—ask questions when you are unclear on the advice and risks being presented to you. Then, choose a program of exercise that resonates with you and makes you happy. Choose instructors you trust. They should be able to answer your questions, or point you in the right direction if they aren’t sure. Instructors should also be educating you about your body and why certain moves are being adjusted at different points along the way, so you know how to self-adjust or correct a movement at any point in any class. Your fitness needs will be forever changed after becoming a mom. It’s the truth and I say this because I want to set you up for success rather than stumble and feel like you’ve somehow failed in your recovery. You will never workout like you did at 20 years old, and that’s a good thing! Your fitness routine needs to support the mental gymnastics that comes with motherhood and the exhaustion you feel at the beginning. Put simply, you can workout and will love your workouts…you just need to cross-train differently now. It all begins in your core and I mean that in the most sincere way. Your core is exactly that—the center for all movement and the origin of strength for your limbs. You will always have layered, 360-degree ab exercises as part of your cross-training now, and the best time to begin learning how to isolate and train the layers of your core is while you are pregnant (or before!). Your muscles are the same before, during, and post pregnancy—they just behave differently at each phase. Understand your muscles, how they function and most importantly, what it feels like when your body is connected. The result? You’ll move well for the rest of your life. A weak core during pregnancy and postpartum can lead to pelvic muscle spasm, which happens when the deep core muscles aren’t properly engaged, causing the pelvic floor to compensate. This can result in discomfort, tension, and even pain in the lower abdomen, hips, and pelvic region. By strengthening your TVA (transverse abdominals) and learning how to connect your core and pelvic floor, you can prevent excessive tightness and improve mobility, both during pregnancy and postpartum recovery. Get familiar with postpartum recovery during pregnancy. I interweave postpartum recovery videos into prenatal workout programs for many reasons. I want you to learn them now, while you have the mental and emotional bandwidth. This will make you excited to do something that feels familiar and nourishing o your body and soul when you are in the throes of postpartum fog—where every inch of your body and life feel new and unfamiliar. During those early days as a mom, it’s important to come home to a workout that reminds you who you are at your core and how to connect deeply with yourself. Set up your pelvic PT before you give birth. A great pelvic PT will often see you in the third trimester (or before, if you need help with any pain or discomfort). Prenatal physical therapy visits will help open the gateway from your abs to your pelvic bowl, while making sure you’re in the best condition for birth. Doing this prior to delivery will make it a positive, postpartum appointment—something you’ll look forward to as it marks your progress and healing! Listen to your body. When something feels “off”...stop, take a break, and check in. Your intuition is powerful and it’s always okay to call your doctor or midwife and ask about something you are wondering about. This is how you learn and know where your body’s guardrails of safe exercise are at each phase of your pregnancy. And remember, everyone is different! Find your groove. It’s a challenge to know how you will feel or what your energy will be like each day—this is the perfect prep for motherhood. You will never know what each day will bring, and it is great practice for working out intelligently and intentionally rather than just going through the motions (which won’t give you the physical results you want). So, slow down and tailor your workouts to meet your needs. Cross-train for your current life and a strong booty and core will follow! Why Core Strength is Essential for Postpartum FitnessYour core strength is the foundation of postpartum fitness. The stronger and more functional your core is during pregnancy, the better you will heal postpartum and transition into an active, pain-free lifestyle. A well-trained core supports your spine, improves balance, and helps restore proper pelvic alignment, making it easier to regain strength and stamina after birth. A Place To BeginIf you’re looking for a great way to fit fitness into your prenatal schedule, check out our RM Begin - Prenatal Program on the RM App. There’s a whole lineup of videos that will help familiarize your body, muscles, and lifestyle for what’s next! I’m here for you through every phase—from prenatal to postpartum and beyond. x Keep reading: Vaginal Birth Recovery: Tips and Secrets for Healing Cesarean Birth Recovery: How to Prep, Plan & Heal Like a Badass RM Begin — the Revolution Motherhood method Start your free trial with Revolution Motherhood →