wellness

I’m sitting in London, in a small garden of the house we’ve rented, as I write this. It is so quiet—the wind is blowing and the leaves around me are rustling. It’s a sound that always brings me peace and stillness.  My oldest daughter just turned 13, my youngest 8. Motherhood is different now…I am different.  We arrived 3 days ago. This is their first trip to Europe and brush with being 5 hours behind the present moment. My 13-year-old was delirious, hungry but not hungry, stumbling around in that fog of her first day off the plane. She was reactive, and so was I.  She snapped at her sister, said unkind words…I snapped back. Finally, I removed myself and let my husband bring them back to the house about 10 minutes later than me.  I was sitting in this garden, being still, listening—to myself and the breeze through the leaves. When the rest of my family arrived home, my daughter found her way out to me, head hung, upset that I had come home on my own. She said ‘I’m confused’.  I looked at my beautiful daughter and saw the familiar features I’ve known in her since I first held her in my arms - her dimples, her round cheeks and deep, feeling blue eyes.  Years of mothering flashed before me… The noise and words of advice as an acquaintance touched my belly without permission, comments on how I look pregnant, or don’t look pregnant…about how small I am, how cute, how big, how well I bounced back, how the baby should be sleeping, how I should feed, wear, not wear, co-sleep, never co-sleep…the contradictions are endless… What people often forget is that moms are smart. We know ourselves and our babies. When that baby comes out, an intuition is born that is stronger than any piece of advice. But, we are also in it for the first time, every time. And we need guidance to help turn the volume down on self-doubt. We need to know, see, and hear what is working or not working for other moms. And, so after many years of learning, trying, correcting, and then trying again through 13 years of motherhood, I am launching The Rewrite—a place where we can come together and slice through the noise, be inspired, reoriented and most of all, feel an unyielding hand of support on your back that will always tell you, ”yes. So, what is The Rewrite? Think about this… What if you could design the motherhood journey you most need for yourself?  Coloring completely outside the lines and living your biggest, best version of life?  That’s the story behind this blog.   Having, sharing, and cultivating the courage to live the life that serves not only ourselves, but our planet, our communities, our children—and not the way we are told is “right” but what is right for our own children, in their unique way. There is no script. These are human relationships we’re in and we need humanity more than ever right now.  So, here’s the beginning of that process:  You’re not your mom, You’re you—figuring it out like every other mom on the planet and you’re doing a kickass job. It’s time for honest motherhood; not perfect, not a hot mess. We’re all holding it together and receiving support and inspiration from other moms doing the same.  It’s a lifelong practice to be in a relationship with our children and not always know what is right or wrong in the moment.   Sitting in the London garden with my daughter was one of those moments. Torn between making her experience about my failures (somewhere I didn’t do my job right) and her need for my unconditional love and humble guidance. I found my way to the latter. “I honestly don’t know how to parent at this moment,”I began to explain to her. I share this moment to remind you, as we turn our loving gaze towards the Fall season—returning to school, to work, to next chapters in motherhood and life—perfect answers and knowing every need before they occur is not realistic.  It’s about staying close to yourself, tending to your heart, and to those around you. Be in the journey, cultivate wonder instead of judgment  (most particularly for yourself!), and lean into love and vulnerability when fear and hardness start to take over.  You are magnificent and you are never alone in motherhood.  xoRachel